My fears are all so simple and cliche. Your fears, they’re all so legitimate and real and some are even inevitable. But here I sit, living in fear of the dark shadows that will wrap their long fingers around my neck and just choke me with taunts and cruelty. The shadows form visions of death and impossible outcomes. I shut my eyes. Shapes and outlines become faces and colour. I try to open my eyes again. Too late. The images are already burned to my brain. 

Choking. Shivering. Is it cold or am I just feeling the spiders crawl? I want to throw up. Please don’t be dead. Please don’t die. Where is my phone? I can’t see. My glasses I need my fucking glasses. Jesus fucking Christ, spiders. Spiders are everywhere. I want to scream. But I can’t breath. The walls are closing in. Where is my phone? I need help. Someone. Please. 

Deep breaths. Remember what they say. Deep breaths, soothing thoughts, soft music. Let the music occupy your brain. Shut your eyes. Don’t squeeze. Gentle. Relax. Ignore the visions. Let the colours blend. Lay down. Curl up into your blankets. Ignore the crawling. It’s nothing but imagination. Relax your grip, the poor stuffed lion did nothing to you. Relax, love, relax. 

Put the phone away. You don’t need help. Put it away. Be strong. Everyone’s safe. No one’s dying. Your hands are shaking. Don’t you dare try to text them. Don’t bring yourself down to that level. Be strong. You are strong. Don’t let them know of your tears and fears. 

Don’t them know of your stupid insecurities. Don’t let them know how fucking weak you are. Don’t appear clingy. They already know how clingy you are. They already know how physically weak you are. Don’t show them how scared you are. Your fears are stupid. Spiders, death, closed spaces, falling. Stupid. Everyone has these fears. Get over yourself. Spiders can’t hurt you. No one’s gonna die. A little closed proximities aren’t gonna kill you. You’re not gonna fall. Get over yourself. No one cares about your stupid fears. Get some real fears. You know you have nothing to worry about. You know your life’s perfect compared to everyone else’s. You know all this.

Then why the fuck can’t you stop crying?